This Chapter in my life seems much blurrier and more complex than i imagined. Defining who i am and who i will represent myself to be seems to be the main topic at hand when i lay my head on my pillow at night. While i have never had a problem knowing who i was.. defining it and fine tuning that is exposing itself to be troublesome.
Ya. I feel just like this.
I am ready to move back home, save the mulah for a bit. Then possibly moving back out, alone.
Mom is always telling me, ya you really should just live alone because it seems you cannot live with other people. Which is proving to be true.
Roughly a month and half left. Maybe instead of moving back out i can be saving up to go to Europe for a month, and just backpack. That is something i have always wanted to do, and I guess now is the time to do it.
Meh, the whole mess has got me frustrated enough that i am losing concentration, i forget what i am doing at times. Honestly sometimes i am just flabbergasted by other people, what they are capable of doing, what they say during it, and their response to your sanity.
One more way to prove I am not good with people. Unfortunately i feel i can read people well enough, just interacting with these other HUMANS just grows on you from day to day.
geesh.
Mom got a moziac piece into this art show at the DAI for students and teachers. The reception is today. Mom is pretty stoked about it and has my whole day planned out.
I am proud of her, she doesnt realize how big of an honor it really was to get her piece into the show, she is just assuming that they took everyones, bah.
She did a great job, and they recognized that
Now i just need to get a piece in, i didnt qualify cause I have not taken a class there this past year.
yep. It is official.
Yes i probably ended a wonderful relationship with the one guy who understood me. Yes i regret it. Yes i thought about it. Yes i cried. I am crying.
Why did this feel so right but now feel so wrong.
I was prepared to spend the rest of my life with him. I just felt... felt I deserved someone who would tell me he didn't deserve me and someone to constantly remind me of his love. Not with words. With actions. With gifts. Hell even with song.
I feel like i am going to vomit i am so scared and upset.
Luckily Jen will be having me over for dinner tonight, in Columbus. She is making me cobbler and I dont know what else.
/sigh /cry
-torii
I am going to learn how to play Warhammer. Wish me luck, i hope this isnt another poor choice on my part. ya'know? heh
