yep. It is official.

Yes i probably ended a wonderful relationship with the one guy who understood me. Yes i regret it. Yes i thought about it. Yes i cried. I am crying.

Why did this feel so right but now feel so wrong.

I was prepared to spend the rest of my life with him. I just felt... felt I deserved someone who would tell me he didn't deserve me and someone to constantly remind me of his love. Not with words. With actions. With gifts. Hell even with song.

I feel like i am going to vomit i am so scared and upset.

Luckily Jen will be having me over for dinner tonight, in Columbus. She is making me cobbler and I dont know what else.

/sigh /cry

-torii

I am going to learn how to play Warhammer. Wish me luck, i hope this isnt another poor choice on my part. ya'know? heh

Got Beef?

FACT: I walked out of gaming tonight

Jason pissed me off. He accused me of being self-centered as he was demanding something from me. I am tired of his lazy-ness and lack of gratitude for anything I, or any one else, do for him. So i was like here is your book, and walked out.
I didn't know where to go.
So i went to the burger wagon, it was closed. Sunday.
Then I drove to the bank, got out some mulah from the ATM and then sat in the parking lot at Eric's apartment.
This morning was awful, i got like three hours of sleep because of the AMAZING Batman movie (and hulk and like 15 min worth of Ironman) and then waking up early to go to work. I felt like such a zombie this morning.
Tomorrow morning i take josh to work, again. STUPID car! i am so annoyed with the piece of crap.

/sigh

FACT: I will never consciously take another summer class in my life

...

I am stressing myself over dumb projects and pointless quizzes and exams that i am not having time to enjoy myself or even go somewhere.

At the beginning of the Summer i decreed that i would travel somewhere be it Indianapolis for Gen Con. Somewhere.

To alleviate some of my misfortune i am going to drop my next sections for the summer and just pick them up in the fall. I want to live not live by someone else's standards of when i should graduate and with what degree.

I get so annoyed with my boring life that i have been sending Josh home lately. He will just come over and play Pokemon on my couch while i am doing homework or reading and it kinda irks me so i just, kindly, ask him to leave. I mean playing pokemon while i am playing on the playstation is one thing, but i hate it when i am like ‘omg, someone lvled up’ or ‘haha your dead’ or whatever cause i too have relentlessly played Pokemon and the sounds are forever engraved in my brain. Therefore it is distracting when i can hear him dying or battling it up on my couch and am admiting to myself that ya... you suck you registered for classes. Just get a better job josh and get out of my hair. Is that mean? Probably. But I dont take it back, i mean it. LOL

work

When Sinclair ‘shut down’ for the summer, so did my costume shop job. It was a love-hate relationship anyways. I enjoyed working on all of the hakima pants and kimonos and such for ‘Ama and the White Crane’ but gag me for ‘An Experiment with an Air Pump’ those designs just sucked and all I really got to do was sharpen pencils all day long. The designer of this particular show, Air Pump, was not as skilled, talented, visionary, or creative as my boss and the designer of Ama. Therefore Air Pumps designs consisted of, ‘o we will just rent 95% of the show’ and the rest of it I will basically make and it will be shoddy work where you can see where I sewed and it is lumpy and, wait how did you get through graduate school? Anyways… Air Pump was an amazing play where the director wanted to take it edgy and funky while the designer hired on was hesitant and indecisive.

So I am working for a website now as a moderator. Online babysitting. I make sure the kiddies aren’t having cyber sex, uploading raunchy photos, uploading copyrighted material, claiming they are someone else, posting flame, and the list continues. The site is for kids of the ages 13 to 17. Well anyways it has made me soo perverted. I look for sexuality in everything now. I find it. Myself and the other moderators don’t miss a chance to save all the porn pictures and other nasty images the brats upload to provoke the worst “OMG WTF IS THAT” out of each other. I love it.

One downside is that now when I type in aim or emails or whatnot, I sometimes revert to the kids typing, when I think it is hilarious. Most of the kids on the site seem to have invented their own form of l33t speak if you will, their own dialect.